[inspic=37,left,,thumb]Mom: A Final Tribute From Nan Dec, ‘06
Mom was a much-loved, accomplished, elegant, spirited, giving lady who always gave her best, and never asked for anything in return. She was always so positive, supportive, kind, and giving that I can’t think of a single instance when we were growing up, of her ever being anything otherwise. This little lady graciously allowed the people she loved, — the space to be the people they were and were growing to be, always ready to support and help you to grow and develop, sharing your joys and successes as completely and honestly as your struggles and hurts. Never critical, small-minded or petty, she quietly went about her life in her own way, pace, and agenda. A natural leader, she didn’t need anyone’s advice or even help – she was a self-starter. Her hilarious account of her dad’s angry reaction when she coolly took her mom for her first ride in mom’s new Model T Ford: “Idey, she’s gonna Kill ya”. Of course none of this stopped mom for a minute, and she loved recalling the incident with great glee:
She also, remarkably, never needed nor sought anyone’s recognition of her many excellences. She just did it! For instance, others in her large (and beloved) family had the reputations for being great cooks (she was better, without trying) and gently demurred whenever I said this; and she was quite sure her own beloved mom, Ida, was the greatest mom, ever. She was genuinely shocked, and I’m not so sure she was even pleased, then, when I firmly responded “Mom, you were even better”. She gave, never considering the cost to herself. It’s not by accident her happiness at being with children was reciprocated, universally. She was one of them.
When Pat and I gave her a feisty, somewhat argumentative, energetic and somewhat demanding (?) adorable little Australian Terrier, Penny – (the dog we told her she deserved!) she lost a fun part of Penny’s puppy hood (as well as most of her kitchen linoleum, which the dog ate in her absence) spending long hours daily, seeing to it that her two sisters were being well cared for in their nursing home. Never jealous of anyone else’s accomplishments, she was too big for any such smallness.
Always being open to new ideas and situations was something she never lost…this was her signature quality, along with her kindness. Witness her fun attachment, in her 90’s, to the likes of Shaquille O’Neill, and her constantly gentle but persuasive and energetic encouragement toward all of the people who tended to her needs as she grew older. She got out of herself and entered their worlds and lives, and learned about them and their concerns, and then prodded them to where they longed to go and deserved to be, even if the pathway there was difficult. She couldn’t not pay attention to them, and became a trusted and much-loved guide in their life-journeys. Her support people adored her; was it any wonder?
All who came into contact with this gentle, strong, kind lady emerged the better for it. All of us.
Take That, Mom.
God was good to her, and all who loved her, by giving her life and he/she continued this by giving her a good “God speed” from this life…in her sleep and in her own home, surrounded by those who loved her and whom she deeply loved in return. Thank you, God, for all of it: God bless and keep you, Mom. You’ve earned it all.
Some snapshots;
1. Mom and the Lilacs – we were in mom’s car together (I was about 14) when we spotted a whole line of “unattended” gorgeous lilacs in what looked to be a deserted field (never mind that we were approaching Lake Shore Drive in Grosse Pointe). We felt guilty about it as we furtively gathered bunches of “unused” lilacs, but that didn’t stop either of us from doing it and enjoying the end result – plenty of lilacs!
2. Billy Bath – one of many students she championed to a better life and self-image, when all others had already easily dismissed him as a loser.
3. Bridge – an excellent player, she never did have a partner who came anywhere close to matching her talent or boldness. She was willing to take the calculated risk, and gamble, to win.
4. Always fun to be around – upbeat, optimistic, independent thinker – a people-person and a true original, she still managed somehow to fly under everyone’s radar.
5. Bad back – struggled all her adult life with this, but to those of us who lived with her, she never made it a high priority.
6. Legs: always had the best legs in town, and while she knew this, didn’t really seam to care that much about it.
7. S—List – once on it, and it took a lot to qualify, forget about ever getting off it. e.g. Erma Bens, Maria Valenti, (across the street) and erstwhile Sister Benedictine (see re Lourdes, below).
8. Always willing to get her hands dirty for others – she single-handedly got Pat’s mom, Laura, into Lourdes Nursing Home – the only place Laura would be happy going to, when the head person, the aforementioned Sister Benedictine assured Mom it just wasn’t possible. After a litany of good reasons why it couldn’t happen, mom replied with her own little diatribe on just why it should, could, and would happen, ending up with the following: “You’d better clear out your biggest closet then, sister, because she’s on her way. The ambulance should be arriving at your door any minute.” Laura got in.
9. Back rubs and head scratchings – gave unselfishly of these and quite characteristically, enjoyed doing it.
10. Guitar lessons with Carol Ann – with great love and empathy she gave Camilla’s very ill little girl guitar lessons to help fill her last days on earth with something good, and fun.
11. Hotel room at Niagara Falls – on a vacation, her spirited, brave, move with a folded dollar bill at the desk of the best hotel in town. (Dad had come back to the car with news that there were no rooms available.) We ended up in the best room in the hotel, over-looking the Falls. (Prince Philip had this room the week before.)
12. She obeyed Dylan Thomas’ feisty advice to “not go gentle into that good night”. .. and further, embraced the essence of its demand that life be lived fully, throughout and to, the very end. She only gave up, I think, when she decided to.